CHRISTMAS HELP , MOM AND DAD!!!! PLEASE thanks !?

Okay so i want to write out a poem for my mom and dad for xmas and i want to laminate it etc. ....Does this sound okay ? Can you help me with it ...can you add some more rymes to it ..because i am having a lot of trouble LOL ..here it is





Flurries are falling, Sidewalks are write


bells are jingling, christmas is tonight


I smile, because where all together


happily, merrily, it couldn't be better





Its the most wonderful time of the year


being with family and having good cheer


I can't wait till next year


so lets all get together and have a beer !








Please help me add some more stuff ....ideas plese ! THanks !

CHRISTMAS HELP , MOM AND DAD!!!! PLEASE thanks !?
uh well i don't know what you mean by "sidewalks are write" and you need to saw "we're all together". and that beer thing doesn't make much sense. but the length is good.
Reply:I hope your older than 21...that last part was pretty funny. Honestly I would take out that last little bit if I meant if from the heart...if I was just playing I would make it a bit funnier.
Reply:sounds lovely!


Try writing it out on nice recycled paper


or something as pretty-


How about a cut work snowflake with a solid centre to write on?
Reply:"Flurries are falling" means snow is falling, correct? In that case, the sidewalks would be white, not write. Apart from that, I liked it.
Reply:The 3rd line 2nd verse makes me think that only Christmas is important...and that family only gets together at Christmas. (Did you mean "I can't wait for the new year?)


Maybe you could add a few lines that refer to family members, their traits, or certain incidents that have happened, or how far apart people are.


If you can cut and paste family photos, you could use it as a border around your poem before laminating it.
Reply:what does " sidewalks are write" mean?


and you should check for spelling errors like " because where all together" is should be were not where.





i would write... " I can't wait until this time of next year"


" so lets celebrate toghether now that we're all here"








those are just my suggestions but i think your poem is pretty good. =)
Reply:I like the first stanza it reads like a Christmas carol. but the second isn't as good it isn't bad just not awesome i think it loses what you are trying to say, especially the part about beer, unless that is an inside joke with your family it doesn't really fit with the poem, maybe you could change the last line to end with "here" or "dear" or "near". Listen to christmas carols if you need more inspiration, but with the exception of that very last line, this is a great poem. Keep writing and good luck with everything. PS: giving your parents you writing show that you are devoted, hard working and creative, they will love it.
Reply:christmas is near i can hear sleigh bells ringing and jingling throuout the peir umm... thats all i really have


oh and thats a really cool idea
Reply:Your poem is actually REALLY good... here is a little more to help you! =)





Flurries are falling, Sidewalks are white


bells are jingling, christmas is tonight


I smile, because we are all together


happily, merrily, it couldn't be any better





Its the most wonderful time of the year


being with family and feeling so much cheer


I can't wait till next year


so lets all get together, I hope I made this clear!





What do you think?! =)


Im soooo sure your parents will love it... not just because its a great poem, but because its from YOU! have a great christmas!

Rubber Slippers